Generate Blog

Generate changed my life

Generate literally saved my life and changed it for the better. I genuinely don’t think I could have gotten here without Generate. When I started attending, I was at my lowest, I was desperate for support and to feel part of a community and had little hope for the future. I was just trying to get from one week to the next, but now my life couldn’t be more different.  

I first went to Generate around 6 years ago. At the time, my confidence and self-esteem were very low, and I was incredibly nervous about attending. I hadn’t met any other trans people before, so I wasn’t sure what to expect. I nearly backed out at the last minute, but I was desperate for support.

That first session changed everything. I listened intently as people shared their stories; some still figuring things out, some at a similar stage of their journey to myself, some years into their transitions. People shared generously and openly, and for the first time so did I. It felt different than the conversations I’d had with friends and family. I was used to either confusion or judgement when I spoke about my gender identity. It couldn’t have been more different at Generate.

There’s been joy throughout my transition, but there has also been a lot of significant challenges.  Generate not only helped me to navigate more easily through the complex journey of transitioning but also gave me something to look forward to when things were bleak. In addition to being a safe and accepting space, the way that everyone celebrates each other’s wins and offers words  of kindness and support when things aren’t so good meant it became a very important part of my life.

I met people through Generate that I’d never normally come into contact with and can genuinely say they are some of the most interesting people I’ve met.

My time with Generate developed as well. Having initially attended for support, I stayed for the social aspect and the friends and connections I had made in the community through Generate. I met people through Generate that I’d never normally come into contact with and can genuinely say they are some of the most interesting people I’ve met.

I wanted to round this out by admitting my attendance at their groups has been a bit rubbish of  late. For this, I blame Generate entirely. Generate played a huge role in getting me to this point;  I even became a volunteer and joined the steering group, and my confidence and skillset got a much-needed boost.

Now I have a full-time job which I love, two rescue dogs to look after, a  house to keep, a wedding to plan for, friends and family to spend time with, sporting events to  train for, and all the other random things that come with a thriving life.

E (He/Him)

Parent “S”

Trigger warning – this blog post contains descriptions of severe self harm

For ease of understanding, in the beginning of this blog, I have used female pronouns for my “pre-transition child” and referred to him as a girl, as he was assigned at birth. However, I have total respect for the fact that he was right in referring to himself as a boy and always refer to him as such now.

I was thrilled to bits when my 4th child was finally a girl. Emilia had 3 older brothers, so we weren’t remotely surprised that she seemed to believe she was a boy- she tried to stand to pee, copied what her brothers wore, played rugby, and did karate, fearlessly beating up the lads, no problem, which blew my mind. 

As she became older, she began to ask us to call her by boys names, like “Derek” and “Elvis Jones” (which just made us laugh and play along, which she loved). She left ballet classes after a few months and from then on vehemently refused to wear anything remotely feminine, insisted on the shortest hair cut we let her get away with.

One day, at 7 years old we went to buy her first guitar, since she seemed to have quite a talent. The shopkeeper offered her a bright pink one. The look of utter disgust she gave him, accompanied by “’Ere mate, say that one more time, and I’ll rugby tackle you to the ground,“ struck a chord (excuse the pun). 

Various similar incidents such as: at only 3 years old, shopping for ballet shoes, she told someone that “her parents wanted her to be a pretty little ballerina when she was just a rough tough boy”. We got the hint, and she left. And, during a karate lesson she full-on punched an adult man in his stomach and seriously winded him.

All of this, accompanied by having zero interest in female friends, and continuously insisting she was a boy really began to worry us, not being sure what it meant, and having no concept of trans men back in the noughties. But we happily allowed our little “tom-boy” to express her inner boy.  Then at ten years old, puberty began, and our previously happy, confident vibrant child disappeared, being replaced by an incredibly anxious and increasingly reclusive child, who began to self-harm, refuse school and eventually was referred to CAMHS, who diagnosed Autism and depression.

On the day I found her in a pool of blood in the bathroom, having attempted to give herself a double mastectomy, I knew this was no tom-boy, and we had something much bigger on our hands. After a trip to A&E, cuddles, hot chocolate and a long, long chat, my child told me they were transgender, and had been trying to repress the overwhelming feelings for 3 years. My child said they were terrified, terrified of surgery and injections and being bullied and abused, but way more terrified of trying to live life as a girl. 

The overwhelming shock, fear, and confusion; accompanied by the feeling that life was spiralling off somewhere I had no understanding or control over; was all encompassing and for months we lived in some kind of befuddled fog.

…everyone’s story was so similar to ours; the other parents were incredibly comforting and lovely, and we began to attend the support groups, where we made so many friends.

A friend recommended Generate Plus, and after talking to their therapist on Zoom, I began to feel that this was something I could deal with, and I wasn’t alone, I cried buckets of relief. Joining the Generate Facebook Group was the second stage of feeling we were going to survive this – everyone’s story was so similar to ours; the other parents were incredibly comforting and lovely, and we began to attend the support groups, where we made so many friends.

Six years down the line I look back and thing generate saved my sanity and gave me the strength and understanding to navigate the next few years of supporting my child, who is now my 19-year-old, happy confident son, transitioning and having the support of us having healed his mental health struggles.  He now attends Generate adult groups and we have lifelong friends we made through Generate Plus.

Transitioning in York

Since I moved to York around a year and a half ago, the support in the city has been instrumental to me navigating my own transition. In 2023 my gender dysphoria became too difficult to tolerate; the pain and distress this caused me made it difficult for me to think, both generally and how to go about seeking help. Outreach work like Generate’s is vital for this reason.

Outreach work like Generate’s is vital for this reason

For me this came in the form of Portal Bookshop/Over the Rainbow café’s social media, where they publicised the rack of gender-affirming clothing they donate to trans people. I love books (and mango sorbet), and was worried about the cost of new, ‘male’ clothes at a point where I felt alone, so it was my sort of place.

This was the first time I had ever been and I got some new shirts, really great advice, and a bit of hope and buoyance. I felt instinctively comfortable enough in the space to say that I’d been trying to ignore my dysphoria to make it go away. It was, kind of stupidly, someone saying, ‘…and how’s that going for you?’ that helped me realise that transition was something that I needed to do for myself.

I was also very drawn to York Pride, which is generally a louder event that I’m comfortable with (though I did appreciate their quiet hour). I went with friends, in a state gender-wise that I was very uncomfortable with, but seeing so much trans joy around me struck a chord and created a yearning to have some for myself. I’m looking forward to going this year and feeling much more comfortable in myself.

A number of months after my experiences at Pride and Portal, I was waiting to start testosterone and my desperation for it meant I needed more support than usual. At university, I was trying to make people aware of my transition, and it was during an appointment to change my gender marker on the system that I was first made aware of the mentoring services offered by Generate.

I’m really happy to have York’s trans and LGBT spaces and can’t wait to see them continue to grow.

It wasn’t support that I ended up needing long-term, since starting testosterone improved so many things, but I was offered a lot, sometimes multiple sessions a week. I was able to do things the way that was best for me, for example being able to have in-person sessions instead of online.

I was offered the kind of empathy and understanding, as well as practical advice, you can only get from people who have been there themselves in transitioning or supporting someone close to them. I also really liked their understanding of intersections, for example how neurodivergence and transness can affect each other.

Around this time, after randomly hearing about it from someone I met at an event, I started going to Colours of the Rainbow choir, which is quite often one of the highlights of my week. I often struggle in groups, but this is the best I have ever felt in one. They’re a lovely group of people and I love both the singing and the socials, and getting to befriend so many people of different ages and experiences.

It has been a great source of gender affirmation, being so supported in beginning to sing the ‘male’ parts as my voice started to drop. In fact it was actually at choir that I discovered I could now sing lower, as my singing voice was easier to deepen than my speaking! It was an amazing moment and I’m so grateful for them as a group.

Especially because they don’t really exist where I’m from, I’m really happy to have York’s trans and LGBT spaces and can’t wait to see them continue to grow. It’s been a beautiful city in which to begin something as extraordinary as transition.

Morgan (He/Him)

Coming to terms with being non-binary

Generate has helped me to come to terms with being non-binary at the ripe old age of almost 60; and here is my story…

I was always the soft lad; the sensitive one; in touch with my feminine side. My dad wasn’t remotely impressed and called me all sorts of homophobic slurs, which cut deep. He wouldn’t allow me to do ballet, so I happily put up with the football and rugby teams and the teasing. I was a good player, but certainly not one of the lads. My mum taught me to sew, on my request, and I sat in the playground at school with my most recent project in production. I had nothing in common with the boys, or the girls, so preferred my own company.

As I grew up I began to wonder if I was gay, because I knew something wasn’t right, but I liked girls, not boys, so that made no sense! As a teen, I dressed quite “alternative/hippy” and for the 70s and 80s that encompassed breaking gender stereotyped clothes, which was totally acceptable then.

Being a “long haired hippy,” throughout my teens and 20s fit well with my “genderless” feelings of self, and was totally cool with friends and girlfriends.

I went to Uni to study fashion and jewellery design, which my dad, an art teacher *just about* coped with. Being a “long haired hippy,” throughout my teens and 20s fit well with my “genderless” feelings of self, and was totally cool with friends and girlfriends. Sue, who became my wife was a feminist, who had serious issues with the toxic masculinity around her and loved that I was “In touch with my feminine side”.

Life rolled on. When the kids came along, I stayed home and took the “House husband ‘s role” since Sue earned more than me and I loved parenting. However, a constant feeling of “otherness” and a growing depression, with no known cause, became hard to deal with. My low self-esteem and feelings of “Not- fitting” became more and more overwhelming. Therapy did nothing, antidepressants even less. I didn’t know why I felt so “wrong”. 

After years of feeling wretched and more than one suicide attempt, an eating disorder and questioning if I may be trans female at 57 years old,  I came across someone on social media who said they were non-binary, genderless, not male or female, the more I read, the more this seemed to fit. I searched support groups and found Generate.

I met two lovely Generate members and after 57 years of soul searching I  suddenly felt at home.

I attended the  “Over the rainbow café drop café” drop in session after hours of wandering around York in a tizz. I met two lovely Generate members and after 57 years of soul searching I  suddenly felt at home.

I still needed to explore my feelings of gender dysphoria, still wondering if I was trans fem. I don’t like large groups, so attended the on-line group and the “style” event. “ years later I am happy in my genderless self and now have a perfect explanation for my dissonance and depression.  Sue and my kids support me, I’m no different really, just happier in my skin.

Wolf – age 59. (They / Them)

Generate offered me a safe environment

I came out as trans male at the age of 12 and found myself in a rather bleak situation. I was lucky enough to be able to access support from GIDs and Mermaids and attend various trans youth support groups and mental health services.

But still the combination of crushing gender dysphoria and the demonisation of trans youth (in media and everyday life) left me frightened and depressed often to the point of agoraphobia, self-harm and into my later-teen years, various forms of substance abuse.

…and through finding Generate my mental health and coping mechanisms have vastly improved.

In recent years with necessary medical attention and through finding Generate my mental health and coping mechanisms have vastly improved. Generate offered me a safe and controlled environment to be able to talk to trans adults of all ages, discuss hardships, and living life as a trans person, to people who have similar experiences; and can offer moral support, advice, and genuine, non-patronising empathy.

A – age 19. (He/Him)